When she was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, Marisa Oreta desperately needed more than a shoulder to cry on. The cancer experience, its trauma, was so shattering that even the comfort of loving family and friends was not enough. “In cancer your whole world crumbles,” explains Marisa. “I needed support, more than family [could give].”
Her spiritual adviser, Fr. Johnny Go, advised her to go to Carewell, a community-based organization that offered psychosocial support for survivors and their families. Marisa found herself one of the first members of a pioneer support group, then composed of only four women who at that time had different types of cancers. They were united by their being all in stage IV—“The predeparture,” says Oreta. Over time, new members joined and today the support group – who call themselves Carebelles – has a membership of 12 active participants, all women, with different types of cancer and in different stages. Some, like Oreta, have finished treatment. Others are still going through chemotherapy, radiation and other treatment modules. They are a diverse group with a common bond—the cancer experience.
Carewell Community’s The
Carebelles find more support from each other
The power of empathy
In the haven of her group, Marisa found solace and a special bond born from the knowledge that each of these women had gone through the same experience. “When they say that ‘I understand,’ you know that they do, because they have been there, have gone on their own journey,” says Marisa. “[This is unlike] some psychologists with [their] plaques on the wall, when they say they understand that’s because they’ve listened to hundreds of people tell their stories. But it makes a difference when someone has really been there.”Over time the weekly meetings became such a source of emotional sustenance that they even would brave typhoons to attend meetings. “Bakit ka magmumukmok sa bahay ‘pag may cancer ka? It won’t cure you,” declared Nanette, 46, who was diagnosed of stage III breast cancer in 2004.
For a survivor, the support group’s most powerful message is she’s not alone. The empathy and compassion of someone who’s been down the same road is powerful and therapeutic. “When you see that your family is suffering for you, you forget yourself, so tinatago mo na lang,” says Moonyeen, 67, who had stage IV colon and liver cancer in 2003. “Thus, you have a support group. Our family, no matter how much they love us, they don’t join us in our journey.”
Changing concerns
Survivors found their different ways into joining the support group. “In the beginning, I wasn’t really interested. I wanted to talk to [Carewell director] Bobbit about my medical bills, the cost of chemo. But I saw the group, they were here—maingay, masaya, magulo. So I said, sige I’ll stay na lang—and now I’m a regular,” says Marie.
In the beginning, many survivors join a support group because they’re looking for practical information. They’re not looking for emotional support or looking to hash out their existential concerns. “Initially you think you are just taking, just getting,” explains Sylvia. “Later on, ikaw na ‘yong gustong makatulong. Because you receive help, solace, you want to impart it. You want to comfort, to inspire.”
The best support groups are probably patient-driven because they can adjust to the needs and preferences of their members. “Before, Bobbit was trying to make it structured,” recalls Marisa. “But it became a free-for-all. It’s hard to make a structure because we are not always ready to talk about certain matters. In our first session, everybody cried. We were telling our stories. After that, tapos na ‘yon, so now we no longer cry, we are laughing. Sometimes we are crying too much from laughing!”
Patients often want different things than doctors think, and their needs shift over time. In Carewell, for example, the older members dole out advice to the newbies who are anxious about medical procedures. “We give practical tips to the newly diagnosed, on how to cut hair before it falls, things like that. We talk about nutrition, diet, how to take care of mouth sores. We tell them: ‘Don’t make that mistake too—I tried it already,’” says Marisa.
Empowerment and companionship
When members treat each other with empathy and respect, relationships are nurtured and grow into real friendships. “Maybe we just need companionship,” says Marisa. “We’ve become such close friends. The commonality of our illness has brought us together so much. We are now a support group not just because of cancer, but because we are friends… it’s like a sisterhood.”
“When you have cancer, you know you have limited time to relate. Alam mo may katapusan so you want to leave a print in people’s lives, to make a difference,” says Sylvia. For this reason, Carebelles has evolved into a group that seeks to help others.
These days the members are working on projects to help others, fundraisers to help those who can’t afford even painkillers or screenings. “We felt we should be doing something more than just talking every week.” And they work around their weakness. The people in charge of projects, if someone’s getting her chemo, work around it.
Says Sylvia: “Dati, if you have cancer,
you are passive, hopeless. You don’t have to be! All of us are
volunteering…the attitude [matters]. You don’t have to be dependent,
helpless. You can have meaningful lives.” 